I'm still sort of recovering from my little jaunt through mud and barbed wire, but am feeling much less like roadkill now and I think if I hadn't gotten so sunburned I'd be back at my regular running and gym routine (ha, I talk like I have a set schedule). But all this time of laying around aching has given me time to reflect on what I took away from my time on the course--and (surprisingly?) it isn't pain and regret. Instead, I learned (or reaffirmed) a few really positive things about myself and the world around me:
1) I am not a quitter. I give up on things easily, sometimes. I'll be overcome by inspiration to try out some new brilliant idea, and within a few weeks, I'm over it. When it comes to anything tedious or even just outside the realm of What I Want to Do Right Now, I have zero perseverance. I can't even make myself do the dishes every night. If I don't feel like running...I don't run, usually. I would not vote for myself in a Most Likely to Stick With It contest. But when it counts, I hang in there. My college graduation (while pregnant with kid #2 and parenting a toddler) and my 4.0 GPA in my teaching credential program (while working full-time and single-parenting three kids) are evidence of that. But it feels even better to know that even when something is physically demanding, I don't give up. After three hours in the blazing sun, barely able to walk, let alone knock out burpees or climb ropes, I didn't lay down and die...I sucked it up and got through 4 more obstacles (and another set of burpees). Encouragement from the sidelines helped, but even during the portions of my Trek Through Forsaken Wasteland where I found myself completely alone, I kept going, one foot in front of the other, and I finished.
2) I am capable of things I never expected. I jumped over fire when I didn't think I could walk. I hit a hay bale target with a spear (it may not have stuck, but I did hit it). I hoisted myself over walls, with and without assistance. I lugged concrete and sandbags and low-crawled farther than I ever thought possible. I faced a wall and thought "no way, not even a boost will get me over that thing"...and then found I did indeed have it in me to hoist myself over once I'd been boosted up. I faced the things I thought I would fail at head-on...and I made it through.
3) I am stronger and more fearless than I realized. I wasn't claustrophobic in those concrete tunnels. I boosted fellow racers over walls--effortlessly, even. (Okay, it helped that they were girls, and smaller than me.) I didn't hesitate to leap over fire. I scaled a super-high cargo net with ease. I used to consider myself somewhat afraid of heights, not remotely athletic, and severely lacking in strength. No longer.
4) People are inherently kind. Or at least inherently want to be. I've never run into so many helpful strangers in one place. I wasn't on the course with a team or even a partner; I didn't know anyone I encountered on the course--but anytime I thought I was stuck, there was someone right there behind me to help me up (or down, as the case may have been). Every single person who passed me as I was limping along with a cramping foot asked if I was okay. People were upbeat and encouraging at every obstacle. The guy who let me stand on his shoulder to get over the highest berlin wall didn't just boost me over and go--he was there to make sure I got down okay too, and fist-bumped me on the other side. In other situations--traffic, for instance--people are not so kind, so it was refreshing to see that the positive aspects of human interaction haven't been lost.
And possibly the most surprising thing of all...
5) I *liked* this. Yes, I contemplated puking, dying, and quitting all things athletic at various points along the course, but every time I faced a person, spoke to someone, or encountered a camera, I had a smile on my face. Aside from, or maybe even because of, the sheer exhaustion and pain, I genuinely enjoyed myself. I admittedly need to get stronger to get through one of these without so much exhaustion, but I absolutely want to go back next year and see how much better I can do. Even remembering the torture that was rolling underneath that barbed wire on a sunburned back brings a smile to my face now--and it's only been a few days. I ought to remember the pain a little more vividly...but instead what I remember is the accomplishment. And I want MORE.
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